Thread: Went to El Valle today.

Took a trip to look at some properties and see if I find it to be a place to move to. Short answer is no.
The drive up was nice, not the roller coaster ride as to Altos del Maria. The view is beautiful going in. El Valle as you know is the cadera of a volcano. Hence once inside there is not much view except maybe on the way out near the rim. The whole place is like 6 miles long and the distance between the gringo and local areas is a 1/4 mile. Land prices vary wildly, two lots identical side by side maybe offered for $55 and $80/m2 respectively. Makes no sense as the difference is a measure not the quality or location of the lot, merely the level of greed of the owner. While I was there it rained non stop. You can tell the people were used to it as they carried on sin umbrellas without a second thought. I was told, not that I needed to be told, that it rains there a LOT. If you love cloudy weather it is the place to be. There are lots of small restaurants and stores and I liked the farmers' market for veggies. Property prices are not reflective of reality. At 7pm life stops, restaurants close at 9pm. People seemed to be in a hurry to get shitfaced, I took a nice video of a local with ear phones and an oversized umbrella having trouble staying on the road between the two ditches at 2pm. He knew the window of access to booze was closing fast. All in all I may go up for a visit but not to live under no circumstances.

I'm thinking these locations are more suitable for those seeking a more isolated, "calmer" lifestyle (which is fine). Keep looking and keep posting.

For lack of options, maybe check out Altos de Bethania and Las Cumbres.

or post what you are looking for . others might know of such places .

1, bilingual or English schools/kindergartens nearby (within 45 mins of driving)
2, good food stores where you can touch the items without a lever 3 bio hazard suit
3, cooler temperatures
4, some kind of a view (in case of El Valle you have the view of a frog on the bottom of a bowl)
5, no more than 3 murders in the hood a night, no murders are preferred though
6, restaurants where you don't need aforementioned suit

What about indoor air conditioned tennis courts and olympic sized swimming pool - both with professional maintenance. I'd buy in that building.

Originally Posted by Sir Stressalot

1, bilingual or English schools/kindergartens nearby (within 45 mins of driving)
2, good food stores where you can touch the items without a lever 3 bio hazard suit
3, cooler temperatures
4, some kind of a view (in case of El Valle you have the view of a frog on the bottom of a bowl)
5, no more than 3 murders in the hood a night, no murders are preferred though
6, restaurants where you don't need aforementioned suit

and you moved to panama LOL , keep us posted if you find such a place and good luck .

Originally Posted by Sir Stressalot

1, bilingual or English schools/kindergartens nearby (within 45 mins of driving)
2, good food stores where you can touch the items without a lever 3 bio hazard suit
3, cooler temperatures
4, some kind of a view (in case of El Valle you have the view of a frog on the bottom of a bowl)
5, no more than 3 murders in the hood a night, no murders are preferred though
6, restaurants where you don't need aforementioned suit

I think you MUST have a serious look at Boquete.

I expected nothing less from the two resident dick heads on this forum. I will go to B next week.

Originally Posted by Sir Stressalot

I expected nothing less from the two resident dick heads on this forum. I will go to B next week.

If you are going to Boquwete, it is worth your while to check out the Volcan area too

Originally Posted by topspinnn

If you are going to Boquwete, it is worth your while to check out the Volcan area too

I don't think Volcan will satisfy conditions #1 & #6.

with his list he is stuck to just around panama city except for the murder rate . in the interior they can not even teach the local passed about a grade 8 north americian standard . he needs to be near a Reys grocery store .god knows he will never buy at a local chinese store .cooler temp , not in the city but maybe just outside ,murders , well you lose on that one around the city , and restaurants , well the local fonda just wont cut it for him , as it seems he want hi end eats , what baffles me is why someone would move to a third world country and expect it to be 1st world , but if people like IL tell them it is, it must be . many of these types of people come , stay about 3 years and then you see that they are having a moving home sale . oh well sucks to be them

Possibly towards Cerro Azul and then drive into PC for things.

Naked I sometimes feel you are forcing yourself to be an asshole while you are a semi good guy. Unfortunately you are succeeding beyond your wildest dreams most the time. I am not that picky. I however do have a family not a whore de jour that seems to be the standard in some expat circles. Buying in Chinese stores is fine unless the "chicken" they sell is grey with long tail and four legs and there is a variety. Of course Rey and S99 is preferred.

Originally Posted by Sir Stressalot

Naked I sometimes feel you are forcing yourself to be an asshole while you are a semi good guy. Unfortunately you are succeeding beyond your wildest dreams most the time. I am not that picky. I however do have a family not a whore de jour that seems to be the standard in some expat circles. Buying in Chinese stores is fine unless the "chicken" they sell is grey with long tail and four legs and there is a variety. Of course Rey and S99 is preferred.

well i always try hard at whatever i do . and succeeding at life is always good . the best chicken i have ever bought has been at small chinese stores , they call it patio chicken , meaning free range , way more tasty that chicken from large stores that use caged chicken on hormones , on the other points . have you ever stopped and eat at a small local fonda ? it is simple food , chicken , rice , beans and a small coleslaw , $ 2 - 2.50 . hundreds of people eat at each everyday , think about that , if the food is turning over that fast it has to be fresh . your family moved here , they need to get into the local culture , you also , shop at the local stores , eat the local food , be part of the country you chose to live in . coming on here and talking about bio hazard suits just shows that you had no idea about living in panama . you and your family chose to live here , make your life here , now you need to change to their culture , it is never going to change for you . another good example is the whole gated community thing , buying houses at stupid prices . that whole idea, is them selling you on fear , down near my place the locals and gringos all live on the same streets , and once you spend the little effort it takes to be nice to them and make friends your house is being watched by them while you are away ,i have friends that come and go for weeks on end , nothing is ever touched , these people are the eyes of the neighbourhood , i know you just got here , now be a part of it . get off your high horse and get some dirt on your shoes . and take the family with you , you can be happy here , or you can hate it here , it is your choice . and thanks again on the comment about being successfull .

Originally Posted by Contrail

For lack of options, maybe check out Altos de Bethania and Las Cumbres.

I lived in Altos de Bethania for a couple of years (El Avance II section). Nothing very special, really. Lots of nice homes with bars on the windows, steel doors and walls topped with broken bottles/razor wire.

...Even though it is named "Altos", that is a very relative term for PC. It was higher than the surrounding areas, but still hot & muggy with very little breeze.

One of my favorite things is to stop at a local fonda, then when I get the plate I separate it in two parts and leave one side seemingly "untouched". Then I scratch my anus like an infected dog and swirl it around in the rice. Then I suck down as much spit as I can from my nose and offload in the nice and clear rice. I finished it off with a medium yellow bogey that I push in from the side.

Then I go stand on the side and watch the Panamanian owner put it back in the pot and serve it to the public. Try it yourself - it works every time.

That is a fonda.

Originally Posted by nakedguydb

have you ever stopped and eat at a small local fonda ? it is simple food , chicken , rice , beans and a small coleslaw , $ 2 - 2.50 . hundreds of people eat at each everyday

Originally Posted by Contrail

One of my favorite things is to stop at a local fonda, then when I get the plate I separate it in two parts and leave one side seemingly "untouched". Then I scratch my anus like an infected dog and swirl it around in the rice. Then I suck down as much spit as I can from my nose and offload in the nice and clear rice. I finished it off with a medium yellow bogey that I push in from the side.

Then I go stand on the side and watch the Panamanian owner put it back in the pot and serve it to the public. Try it yourself - it works every time.

That is a fonda.

You've got some issues you really need to take care of...

Originally Posted by Contrail

One of my favorite things is to stop at a local fonda, then when I get the plate I separate it in two parts and leave one side seemingly "untouched". Then I scratch my anus like an infected dog and swirl it around in the rice. Then I suck down as much spit as I can from my nose and offload in the nice and clear rice. I finished it off with a medium yellow bogey that I push in from the side.

Then I go stand on the side and watch the Panamanian owner put it back in the pot and serve it to the public. Try it yourself - it works every time.

That is a fonda.

you are a real prize , your parents must be soooooo proud .

I was just metaphorically trying to describe where you guys like to hang out and eat. It's basically a stall for pigs, by pigs. You guys know they put "seemingly untouched" food back in the pot as the 10 cents they make from this is more important than public health. You like to be spiced up by someone else's green mucus at times.

KPC anyone?

Originally Posted by Contrail

I was just metaphorically trying to describe where you guys like to hang out and eat. It's basically a stall for pigs, by pigs. You guys know they put "seemingly untouched" food back in the pot as the 10 cents they make from this is more important than public health. You like to be spiced up by someone else's green mucus at times.

KPC anyone?

well as i worked in some higher end places in canada as i was going to high school ,you should see what they do there jajaja