Thread: You Know You Have Been in Panama Too Long When (R-Rated version)

You find yourself at weird country-side farms with your attorney and a parental consent form from time to time.

When you measure the quality of women by the tightness of their anus after 5 minutes of anal.

You have learnt to always shit in the morning and take a shower after. Toilet paper seems obsolete.

You go through your new girlfriend's purse to make sure she is older than 18.

In your car, you scan the horizon at 1 mile sweeps to find other men to kill.

You engage your brakes for rubber burning at every crossing with women present and howl like a dog, also promising to kill the men they are currently with using your metal junk.

You import morning after pills from Dubai and mix them with your whore's yoghurt.

You only fuck women with passports so you can fly them out for a quick abortion if necessary.

You have spent several months analyzing what it's like to be selling ass for cash.

You have a T-shirt that says "Tengo Cash".

You always go to the whore house on the 30th or the 31st, except in February when you go on the 28th.

You think that the most famous quote in history is "No Mas".

When you start thinking that nakedguydb's posts are making sense.

Originally Posted by EdBowers

When you start thinking that nakedguydb's posts are making sense.

your clock is ticking Ed LOL

You are immediately handcuffed and put in jail for 30 days when driving in your country of origin. The sentence reads reckless civil disobedience and contempt of court.

You think that a green light means "go into the intersection" and stay there until you can leave.

You are always waiting for a parts shipped by maritime to save 25 cents.

When the word " MANANA" doesn't send your blood pressure into the stratosphere and fill you with uncontrollable rage. LOL

When you walk out of the Veneto and nobody thinks that your name is Taxi.

You have something in your hand that you no longer want and simply release your grip.

You have fired five people and wish you never fired the first one.

You think that the stool sample bouillabaisse in the back defines your neighborhood.

You don´t look twice at two dogs having sex in the street

You can sleep through a PH

The smell of urine, burning garbage, whore perfume, and cow shit are basically the same

Body checking old women out of your way has become a way of life

You no longer wait in lines or take numbers

You finally say screw this shitty food and never eat at a fonda again

You learn that the best way to live in this country is in your own little bubble

That it's never going to get cooler, it's always going to be dreadfully hot

You make the following translations:

No = Fuck off or I will kill you.
Yes = Go to hell.
Yes, for sure = How can I fail you.
Yes, come with me = Let me sell you some other garbage at a 200 % mark-up
Yes, it's already done = I came here from Germany 3 years ago, but left school after kindergarten and just read books at home.
Yes, cash or credit = Panama City, Florida.
No problem = I will not have a problem.
Yes, no problem = You are in trouble but I am not.

You read the manual over the weekend and are referred to as "An Almighty God" by people with 10 years of experience.

You think it's normal that mostly black people are bi-lingual.

You are fairly sure that the bastard son of God (also known as Jebus) was black and sold as a slave in Portobello.

You start nation-wide wars over water melon payments for 10 cents, but let manslaughter and fraudulent pre-construction contracts for 400,000 dollars pass you like a Monday morning fart.

You have read two manuals and crowds gather for prayers in front of your house every Friday at 2 PM.

1) You are considering growing a mustache.
2) Women on bus stops start looking attractive.
3) You see the city as a big 'ol urinal
4) You have stickers of the virgin Mary and Noriega in your car.
5) You have grown tired of Colombian prostitutes.

1) You are considering growing a mustache.
2) Women on bus stops start looking attractive.
3) You see the city as just one big urinal.
4) You have a virgin mary and Noriega sticker on your car.
5) You have grown tired of Colombian prostitutes.
6) You have 40% hearing loss
7) You thing that your car horn will make traffic magically disappear.
8) You have had dengue fever at least once.
9) You think about suicide at least twice per day.

You might be confusing Noriega with Don Bosco?

Originally Posted by tellucy

4) You have a virgin mary and Noriega sticker on your car.

Apparently to some Panamanians they are both in the same league...Soon we'll see Bosco Valllarino stickers!

You have asked Movistar 15 times to stop sending you messages.

You can reset a cable modem and a router with a 2 meter long flexible stick while blind folded on 20 beers and half a bottle of Abuelo.

Fraud alert is your default setting.

Fucking Movistar driving me nutz too.

Originally Posted by Sir Stressalot

Fucking Movistar driving me nutz too.

get a contract phone and it stops . its only the pay as u go , well it almost stops maybe 2 a week

You gave your credit card information to a local phone company and was hospitalized for high blood pressure a few weeks later.

Originally Posted by nakedguydb

get a contract phone and it stops . its only the pay as u go , well it almost stops maybe 2 a week

Originally Posted by Contrail

You gave your credit card information to a local phone company and was hospitalized for high blood pressure a few weeks later.

never gave them a credit card number , i get a phone bill in the mail every month just like up home . plus they send it to my email also . no credit card involved .

You get your bills by regular mail 4-5 weeks late if at all and are subject to penalties and is hospitalized for high blood pressure a few weeks later.

Originally Posted by nakedguydb

never gave them a credit card number , i get a phone bill in the mail every month just like up home . plus they send it to my email also . no credit card involved .

Originally Posted by Contrail

You get your bills by regular mail 4-5 weeks late if at all and are subject to penalties and is hospitalized for high blood pressure a few weeks later.

with ur attitude u attract negativity. why do i never have this? i get my bills on time and also per email and can access them online. i pay them once every 3 months without penalties.

You have corrected your bills from Cableonda so many times that you have a pad in the office.

You know that people who enter into unnecessary contracts with Panamanians are out of their wits, or lazy brained.

Originally Posted by janl

with ur attitude u attract negativity. why do i never have this? i get my bills on time and also per email and can access them online. i pay them once every 3 months without penalties.

Originally Posted by Contrail

You get your bills by regular mail 4-5 weeks late if at all and are subject to penalties and is hospitalized for high blood pressure a few weeks later.

no that happens to you , there is a website called , Dorks are Us . and we have send you name in several times . then they supply every company with your info and you get the treatment you deserve . no need to thank us .

Originally Posted by Contrail

You have corrected your bills from Cableonda so many times that you have a pad in the office.

You know that people who enter into unnecessary contracts with Panamanians are out of their wits, or lazy brained.

It must be karma! I been with cableonda for 14 months now and they have not made 1 mistake! Digicel was sending me annoying text messages, a lot of them. Made 1 phonecall and i have never received any again.

You threaten anonymous internet handles who disagree with you on how peachy fascist Panama is.

Originally Posted by nakedguydb

no that happens to you , there is a website called , Dorks are Us . and we have send you name in several times . then they supply every company with your info and you get the treatment you deserve . no need to thank us . which reminds me , we need to go take the machanic out to lunch again guys .

Originally Posted by Contrail

You threaten anonymous internet handles who disagree with you on how peachy fascist Panama is.

i am not threatening anyone , you are doing what you do to stir people up and we do what we do to stir you up . if you can not handle teasing i will stop answering any of your posts myself , and if others follow suit you are going to find yourself locked out on your own . and having a one sided conversation will get old real fast . your call ? do you want me to stop answering anything you post ? because i have no prolbem either way .