Thread: Chitre, Herrera, Panama - The Buttplug of Los Santos

For lack of other options I have decided to rename the city of Chitre to the Buttplug of Los Santos. Here is where the Chit starts and it can only get worse the longer you move from the Panamanian version of civilization (Panama City).

It was more of a forced road trip if anything as we needed to process a dead beat delivery guy who was fired back in November of last year for picking up passengers on his routes. He now has an attorney and wants MONEY. After 8 months of 60 cent local brews they have finally gotten to schedule the hearing. 2 attorneys, 2 reps, 2 witnesses and of course the plaintiff showed up but not the judge. Either he was so hungover that he couldn't pick up his phone or he was counting his share naked in the bathtub - odds are pointing at a combo.

Checking into the hotel is always a breeze with threats of ACODECO reports to get the right rates. Finally we were in the rooms and I announced to everyone to not do a fkn thing until I have verified the internet (it had slipped my mind). Of course it was completely dead since they were using a special form av WPA2 Enterprise designed for safe-guarding space shuttle designs in special clearance areas. Check-out from the Versalles was 30 mins later and on to Azuero grand hotel.

I am pretty sure the beds were pure concrete blocks with metal sheets welded up on top for added comfort. By noon internet was down so we left for some shopping.

$5.25 for a $1.83 3-pack of extra duty Penn tennis balls summarizes the attempt to spend anything but processed oxygen.

At least it's a lower risk of being butt raped if the buttplug is already in.

My back problems appear to be gone.

oh Ed , tell us hoe you really feel . chitre is a beautiful town LOL , well at least if you live down here as it beats Los Tables for shopping hands down ,

Man, I had a blast there. I explained to the entire staff that Chitre must by the inflection point of all arbitrary space-time continuum models, while smiling broadly. They were glad that I am enjoying the town.

The lottery salesman came into the lunch restaurant. Immediately everyone started screaming 18, 20 and other seemingly random numbers while he verified the ticket options. I suggested that he get a portable ticket printer so people can select their numbers and actually get them. The guy looked like I had torn his heart out. Apparently he is part lottery sales man, part human being and not a machine.

Originally Posted by EdBowers

For lack of other options I have decided to rename the city of Chitre to the Buttplug of Los Santos. Here is where the Chit starts and it can only get worse the longer you move from the Panamanian version of civilization (Panama City).

It was more of a forced road trip if anything as we needed to process a dead beat delivery guy who was fired back in November of last year for picking up passengers on his routes. He now has an attorney and wants MONEY. After 8 months of 60 cent local brews they have finally gotten to schedule the hearing. 2 attorneys, 2 reps, 2 witnesses and of course the plaintiff showed up but not the judge. Either he was so hungover that he couldn't pick up his phone or he was counting his share naked in the bathtub - odds are pointing at a combo.

Checking into the hotel is always a breeze with threats of ACODECO reports to get the right rates. Finally we were in the rooms and I announced to everyone to not do a fkn thing until I have verified the internet (it had slipped my mind). Of course it was completely dead since they were using a special form av WPA2 Enterprise designed for safe-guarding space shuttle designs in special clearance areas. Check-out from the Versalles was 30 mins later and on to Azuero grand hotel.

I am pretty sure the beds were pure concrete blocks with metal sheet welded up on top for added comfort. By noon internet was down so we left for some shopping.

$5.25 for a $1.83 3-pack of extra duty Penn tennis balls summarizes the attempt to spend anything but processed oxygen.

At least it's a lower risk of being butt raped if the buttplug is already in.

My back problems appear to be gone.

Ed,
Please tell me you have a travel blog and also send me the link if you do!

well if your wanting the best dinner inn town , go to the bypass road and go to the casino , well the restaurant across the parking lot , beautiful open air place with good food and service

I understand that it's difficult for a delivery guy to drive right by friends that are walking. Could have been worse.

La Terrazas, as was the name, is a nicely decorated restaurant with a sufficient breeze to keep you balanced in the evening.

They charged $6.50 for a pack of Viceroy - if I remember correct these ran you about $1.25 back in 2007, resulting in a 520 % combined inflation and convenience fee.

The sub-standard hamburger was $7, came with mushy fries and refrigerator stored crispy bacon. A simple corvina started at $11.

They were basically holding the cow at knife-point when we entered, so service was quite good. The service level however simply stemmed from having no other clients whatsoever.

Will come back for lunch if Panama has a toilet paper shortage.

Originally Posted by nakedguydb

well if your wanting the best dinner inn town , go to the bypass road and go to the casino , well the restaurant across the parking lot , beautiful open air place with good food and service

well the last time I ate there it was good , about 8 months ago , but if you find a better place please post it , good places are hard to find in these parts

I found another one. I had such a good time I had to photograph the menu translations. Here they are:

Al termidor = Termidor Style
Salsa Agridulce = Bittersweet Sauce
Yuca al Moho = Mossy Yuca
Patacones = Mashed Green Plantain
Con Langostinos = With Growfish
Con Almendras = With Amlonds
Corvina = Corbina
Pulpo = Cuttlefish
Langostinos = Grawfish
Estos platos los puede = RimT hese plates may be
A La Plancha = Pressed
Emparedados de Jamon = Jam Sandwich
Coctel de Langostinos = Grawfish Cocktail

To be honest, I think I will go to McDonalds from here on out. Suicide is not quite a option yet!

The best approach might be gasoline and matches - wait and see what might rise from the ashes (if anything). First place they will probably sell smokes at $7 and wait for the insurance policy to kick in......

Originally Posted by nakedguydb

well the last time I ate there it was good , about 8 months ago , but if you find a better place please post it , good places are hard to find in these parts

Originally Posted by EdBowers

I found another one. I had such a good time I had to photograph the menu translations. Here they are:

Al termidor = Termidor Style
Salsa Agridulce = Bittersweet Sauce
Yuca al Moho = Mossy Yuca
Patacones = Mashed Green Plantain
Con Langostinos = With Growfish
Con Almendras = With Amlonds
Corvina = Corbina
Pulpo = Cuttlefish
Langostinos = Grawfish
Estos platos los puede = RimT hese plates may be
A La Plancha = Pressed
Emparedados de Jamon = Jam Sandwich
Coctel de Langostinos = Grawfish Cocktail

To be honest, I think I will go to McDonalds from here on out. Suicide is not quite a option yet!

The best approach might be gasoline and matches - wait and see what might rise from the ashes (if anything). First place they will probably sell smokes at $7 and wait for the insurance policy to kick in......

well good luck there at rotten ronnies

I missed one from the other place:

Postres = Dessertes

I never go to rotten ronnies, but in this case I prefer to know what I died from. I doubt the helicopter ambulance will respond positively to termidor style mossy yuca with pressed cuttlefish and growfish dessertes on a handwritten note.

The whole episode reminds me of my late English teacher who said she had collected 57 misspellings of immediately over 25 years.

Originally Posted by nakedguydb

well good luck there at rotten ronnies

Try MRWOOHOO's favourite brothel, oops, I mean restaurant in Pedasi, guaranteed to pile on the pounds.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iu3v77eXVTM

And afterwards a personal real estate tour from Kent and I focusing on wealthy grannies.

That movie is very good at describing what is going on. Nothing, absolutely nothing and foreigners with Unabomber personalities waiting to die or defraud plus empty overpriced shitholes to eat. Everywhere I go it reminds me of Poinciana or some other nuclear wasteland.

I would not even consider living here to die, only as a last resort to commit suicide if somehow the San Andreas fault line mysteriously extended itself up through Oregon and sunk the entire frickin state in the Pacific.

Originally Posted by Richy Rich

‪MrWooHoo- What's Going On in Pedasi?‬‏ - YouTube

It has one redeeming feature, it saves some other place from being the armpit of Panama.

I thought Colon was the armpit of Panama?

Originally Posted by Gordo

I thought Colon was the armpit of Panama?

no that is the city . a big dirty , smelly place were traffic moves at a snails pace . sidewalks so broken up there are no blind people left alive , manholes cover sold as scrap and the manholes are full of tires busted off cars . oh ya the city is a jem , black water flowing in the upscale areas like the lobby of TOC ill take quiet pedasi any day , oh did i mention you can swim in the ocean here without finding all those OH HENRY bars LOl

At least in Colon there is the possibility of getting raped, mugged or shot every time you step outside. It alleviates the bonecrushing boredom.

Home run Grill across form the Stadium is the best best to eat in Chitre.

Decent pizza place closer to Iglasia run by a Canadian guy. Memories was good but the service was slow. Frostee's will substitute soda machine juice for soda if you are buying a combo.

Originally Posted by adamruns

Home run Grill across form the Stadium is the best best to eat in Chitre.

Decent pizza place closer to Iglasia run by a Canadian guy. Memories was good but the service was slow. Frostee's will substitute soda machine juice for soda if you are buying a combo.

never tried the home run grill , next time in chitre , where is the pizza place ?

A US sports grill, a Canadian pizza guy and a US franchise. You are on to something.

Originally Posted by adamruns

Home run Grill across form the Stadium is the best best to eat in Chitre.

Decent pizza place closer to Iglasia run by a Canadian guy. Memories was good but the service was slow. Frostee's will substitute soda machine juice for soda if you are buying a combo.

Originally Posted by nakedguydb

never tried the home run grill , next time in chitre , where is the pizza place ?

I would say closer to the park/church than home run grill but still by the stadium.

It offers more than pizza but advertises pizza on the sign.

Hotel Versalles and Auezro are fine as well. But may be a bit pricey for the area.

Also El Mirador up on the hill by the mall is decent.

Few places at the close Los Santos beach.

Fiesta Casino seemed to offer the same food and pricing as the one in Panama City. Maybe a little cheaper.

No other places stand out.

Originally Posted by adamruns

I would say closer to the park/church than home run grill but still by the stadium.

It offers more than pizza but advertises pizza on the sign.

is the pizza place by the church by the big park or by the stadium , sorry i dont understand where you are trying to place the pizza place . as the big church and the stadium are not that close

Originally Posted by nakedguydb

is the pizza place by the church by the big park or by the stadium , sorry i dont understand where you are trying to place the pizza place . as the big church and the stadium are not that close

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The best I can say is in-between. The first time I went to the pizza place was when we were walking from the HSBC for lunch.

MY best guest looking at google maps is Avenue Obaldia. I am getting to know Chitre to the point where I will not get lost but may have to go to C first when wanting to go from A to B.

Originally Posted by adamruns

\

The best I can say is in-between. The first time I went to the pizza place was when we were walking from the HSBC for lunch.

MY best guest looking at google maps is Avenue Obaldia. I am getting to know Chitre to the point where I will not get lost but may have to go to C first when wanting to go from A to B.

well please next time you go take note as the hsbc is on one side of the church and the stadium on the other , maybe if you see the name and tell me i might be able to find it as i love pasta , and on that note , great chatting and off i go to the mexican place run by the french guy and his local girl , its super ,

Maybe you guys are looking for Pizzeria Oral Coitus, or as they call it in Shitre, Orale Cuate. Let it hang and you shall find.

Originally Posted by Contrail

Maybe you guys are looking for Pizzeria Oral Coitus, or as they call it in Shitre, Orale Cuate. Let it hang and you shall find.

your just mad because McRib is only here for a short time and your car is still broken and you cant get there to enjoy your favorite meal jajaja

Naked you just keep pouring salt into that open car wound. I don't see how he can trust the repair in the future. The shop is obviously incompetent and the repair could fail and allow vapors to convert the car into a rolling bomb. If it explodes near TOC that would be closest "bang for the buck" those investors will ever see LOL!!!

Originally Posted by fleeted

Naked you just keep pouring salt into that open car wound. I don't see how he can trust the repair in the future. The shop is obviously incompetent and the repair could fail and allow vapors to convert the car into a rolling bomb. If it explodes near TOC that would be closest "bang for the buck" those investors will ever see LOL!!!

but if it explodes ....all the way to the moon alice , all the way to the moon .

We were in Chitre two weeks ago and ate at the Homerun Grill across from the stadium as it was recommended by a friend who has lived in Chitre since 1995 and the colombian steakhouse style restaurant had the best steaks we have eaten while in Panama .Of course the service is slow compared to American standards but overall the expierience was a positive one.While in Chitre we stayed at the Azuero hotel I would say probably one of the top three hotels in the area and breakfast there was up to par but again the service as in most places where we have dined was sub standard.